Quite a popular spot on the Northumberland Coast, this, and it's no wonder why. There's a breathtaking stretch of beach that, because of its popularity, you'll end up practically parking on.

Having already driven a fair way to get here, limited, on-street spaces mean avoiding flying golf balls from a fairway, but more on that in a minute.

This vast tract of sand continues for 30-odd miles up to Berwick-upon-Tweed with just the odd, rocky interruption.

Be warned, though, that's the North Sea there and its temperature rarely reaches double digits. The temperature's not actually measured in degrees Celsius but in minutes... life expectancy that is!

Another warning, also, because unlike the nearby town of ' Ann-ick', this one's pronounced more 'Alan-Mouth'. Think of Princess Anne, trying to steal a bicycle, egged on by a mouthy Alan, at least that's how it's remembered in this house.

It's found Whicker works well, but if you're youthful you'll be all, like, 'Whicker what? Who-evs!' Sugar, Shearer or Alda, even, except you've probably never heard of M*A*S*H? Face it, there simply are no famous, young Alans, and let's not get started on Princess Anne!

Once you've exhausted the attractions of Northumberland Street, head down Garden Terrace towards the river.

The river is tidal and flows in and out of the North Sea right here, and there's a good sense of it from the bridge you will have driven in on. Some of the estuary is a designated Site of Special Scientific Interest, and, as should be known by now, they don't hand them awards out willy-nilly.

Across the river is the site of an old church that's marked with a cross. Church Hill used to be part of town until a biblical storm in 1806 changed the course of the water, also cutting off the port that lay beyond.

You can get up and at it, as did the Vikings who were found buried at the bottom, but you'll need to head back out and south where there's an arguably even better bit of beach, but, well, a warning...

No, you're not likely to drown, just don't ask a local for directions to the River 'Alan'. Confusingly, it's pronounced more 'Arln', and if you speak to a real old-timer you might detect a Lancashire-like rolling of the 'r', and it's the fault of them Vikings, apparently.

Starting not far from here, the Northumbrian dialect can be heard all the way to Berwick where the sand stops, the cliffs kick in, and everybody suddenly sounds sort of Scottish.

One final warning, although this was a few years ago mind, there might still be a cartel operating in town. Not quite as bad as those Mexican ones but everywhere charges the same for soup and a sandwich, it was thought to be £5.25...

The Hope and Anchor Hotel... £5.25!
The Sun Inn... £5.25!
Bistro 23 Tea Room... £5.25!
The Red Lion Inn... £5.25!
The Schooner Hotel... £5.25!
The Alnmouth Golf Clubhouse Bar...?

Dunno? They wouldn't let us in... members only!